


Day 16 - Village

by ReaderRose



Series: 30 Days of Writing [16]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crimes & Criminals, Gen, Humor, Pre-Canon, Sans Has Issues, tem shop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:39:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14064111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderRose/pseuds/ReaderRose
Summary: Sans needs to sell some stuff, and fast.Unfortunately, it is very hard to find people to buy things in the Underground.





	Day 16 - Village

**Author's Note:**

> have a crack fic

“welp.”

Sans was in trouble.

When he and his brother first acquired the house in Snowdin, he thought it was, you know, not a big deal. No one lived there. No one knew who owned the place. A house that needed a family, a family that needed a house… do the math. Sounds totally fine, right? No issues obvious whatsoever.

Well, it turns out this completely reasonable assumption was somehow wrong. Now Sans needed cash, and he needed cash fast. He also needed to not set foot into the capital city of New Home because of reasons, which complicated matters.

He had some stuff to pawn off to anyone who wouldn’t ask too many questions. And that would have been fine, usually. Because he knew a guy. But he also couldn’t call that guy, and he couldn’t go to the city to meet up with him. Again, because of the reasons. It’s really not important.

So, he needed a new pawnbroker. Simple as that.

The problem was, though, no one outside the city seemed to want to buy his junk. Maybe it was because his junk was a giant 5 ton doomsday device that ascended the fabric of reality itself? He didn’t see why that would be a problem. He thought something like that would sell big. Maybe it was because the thing was busted. But like, then its a conscience free transaction, yeah? Sell it to someone and you can be like “well it doesn’t work haha! I’m not responsible!” when the Guard shows up, and Sans was sure there were plenty of monsters who would love the challenge of a little fixer upper project. Papyrus had loved his little puzzle for months! Until that point where his eyes turned red with rage and he embedded a spanner in the wall with some kinda feral scream and started claiming he didn’t know what “a science” was anymore. Poor guy.

Really, Sans hated to part with it. There were a lot of good memories with that thing. Literally. Because the thing actually ate memories.

But eh, details. It wasn’t really important.

Sans liked their house more than he liked the machine, and there was some saying about growing up and abandoning everything so you can have a good house or something. Sans was 32 years old and not even close to grown up, but he did really want his house.

Papyrus refused to talk about it. (Last time he pushed him,  Papyrus spent the whole day pretending he had no idea who he even was until he dropped a sock on the floor and Paps couldn’t contain the screaming and passive-aggressive post-it notes. That was stayin there now.) So Sans figured he could do whatever he wanted with it without cluing in his brother.

The first stop was with that lady, What’s-Her-Name over at the Snowdin General Goods Store. He really put on the charm with his pitch. Even told her she could bake some great cookies with it which wasn’t actually technically incorrect, but What’s-Her-Name refused.

“Ya know, I can’t really get in the business of buyin’ up junk when I’m runnin this sort of business, but maybe you can try to Hotland or Waterfall? I heard folks sayin there’s some folk out there that’s got some… questionable… tastes? It’s always worth a looksy, right? I’m sure someone out there’s willin to buy your Doomsday device offa ya!”

“okay,” said Sans, and teleported away immediately.

“Good luck, friend! I hope someone out there will help ya!” What’s-Her-Name called out to thin air.

* * *

Sans tried Hotland, next. First, he ran into some spider lady selling cookies. They looked good and he wanted at least 5. But they were also the same price as he owed in back taxes, so he decided not to do that, and teleported away before she could eat him for eating the cookies anyway.

Next, he found himself in the MTT Burger Emplorium, but the guy at the cash register just smiled at him and repeated the company slogan over and over again at him every time he asked, like some sort of madness mantra. Then he smiled so hard, a tooth cracked. Sans wasn’t sure he noticed. He got a burger though, and actually paid for it. Guy seemed like he needed a win as badly as Sans did.

Out back, he found a note saying that there were goods for sale in the creepy alley. That sounded like what he was looking for. But the girls there just wanted to talk and sell him a gun, and he told them he already had a gun, and they said oh, simultaneously. Then one asked if that as a glamburger he had, and he ate it and said no.

Next, Waterfall. Now, Sans knew old Gerson was a long shot. Guy used to be a cop a few hundred years ago. But he was retired now, and Sans was running out of vendors to try. There was barely an economy outside of the Capitol. But Gerson laughed and said he was trying to get rid of his junk, not get more of it. He did offer him some sea tea, though, and Sans decided to buy some in bulk because it was cheap and he liked food.

“Say, sonny, since you bought that… listen. Don’t tell anybody I told you about this, but… I might know some people who’s willin to take stuff off your hands. Know what I’m sayin’, kid?”

If Sans wasn’t already grinning, he would have grinned. It was almost worth the effort to ungrin, then regrin. Almost.

* * *

Sans followed the old monster’s instructions. He told him he wouldn’t be able to teleport there, which was probably the worst thing Sans had ever heard in his life, but what you need to understand is that he was really desperate. So he walked. And walked. And walked. For a full 2 minutes. An agonizing 2 minutes. And he found the secret path no one had ever told him about before.

Sans closed his eyes, and willed himself just a little further… into the depths of hell itself.

“Hoi!!!”a cacophony of noises filled the air as a sea of terrifying, inexplicable creatures surrounded him upon his approach. He had never been here before. Never heard of it. The feeling of being watched permeated the cavern, and a sound that he could only describe as “unholy” played for him as he walked deeper and deeper into the lair of these legendary cryptids.

“hOI!!!!!! i’m tEMMIE!!”

“hOI!!!!!! i’m tEMMIE!!”

“hOI!!! welcom to… TEM VILLAGE!!!”

“fhsdhjfdsfjsddshjfsd”

“hOI!!!!!! i’m tEMMIE!!”

“hOI!!!!!! i’m tEMMIE!!”

“hey,” Sans replied.

He wandered deeper into the sea of tem, finally finding a sign that said “TEM SHOP.” He thought his legs might give out. It was such a great distance. But he persevered. He needed to sell the machine. He needed to save his house that was not technically his, but felt like it was. He needed to reach this shop, no matter how many minutes he was forced to walk on his own two legs, like some kind of animal.

Sans was filled with detemmienation.

“hOI!  
welcom to…  
da TEM SHOP!!!”

The cashier smiled, her face vibrating off of her head ever so slightly at the sight of a visitor to her shop.

“sup.”

“hOI! i’m temmie”

“so, what is this place?”

“yaYA!!! go to TEM SHOP!!!”

Sans looked around. “okay.”

“hOI! i’m temmie”

“i’m sans. sans the skeleton.”

“hOI! i’m temmie”

This was not going well.

“listen do you buy stuff?”

Temmie vibrated. “yaYA!!! go to TEM SHOP!!!”

Sans took that as a yes. “listen, i need to sell something. it’s really valuable… and real secret. it’ll make you big bucks.”

Temmie started shaking, then started crawling on the walls and ceilings in a way that was both familiar to Sans and also completely and utterly wrong. No way. No way. Only he could do that. And Papyrus, probably, but he thought it was lazy and actually liked walking. Even jogged for fun and recreation like some sort of freak. But even that was less disconcerting than this.

“Tem want buy item but gota pay for colleg!!!!”

“okay. and this item, it’s gonna help you do that. it’ll go for big bucks. i promise you. and i’ll give it to you for an extremely low price,” Sans said, leaning in and winking, no matter how strong the urge was to be further away from this being.

“tem buy bluehoodiestaineds for…5G!”

“what.”

“tem buy bluehoodiestaineds for…5G!”

What the hell?? The …temmie? (What even was a temmie?) wanted to buy his hoodie? That was his signature look! No way! Sure maybe he said in one of his pitches he would sell the clothes off his back to save their house but he didn’t mean it! It was a lie. He had been lying.

Did they just not understand? He wanted to sell them a doomsday device that bent the fabric of time and space. NOT his cool signature hoodie.

“no.”

“hnnnn….!!! tem always wanna bluehoodiestaineds!!!…!” The temmie was upside down and vibrating now. It’s face was barely attached. “tem buy bluehoodiestaineds for…50G!”

That was a more reasonable price, but he could not do it. No way. It was his hoodie. He wasn’t giving up what was his. He would rather lose the house. At least that he shared with Papyrus, so it wasn’t fully his own.

“no.”

“b…but…” Temmie sounded like it was going to cry, but it was still smiling as always. Wow. That actually was creepy. What kind of weirdo would be like that. “p!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And a new price was offered. 51G. Sans was almost tempted, but he snapped himself out of it. He would look dumb walking home without his jacket. Papyrus would probably make some kind of smug joke about him finally deciding to throw it in the dump where it belonged, since it was 97% dirt now anyway, and Sans could not let that happen. He refused. The only one who got to dunk on their brother was him.

Sans glared into the face of the crying, smiling, vibrating Temmie, hoping this final rejection would finally intimidate it into dropping the subject and hearing out his own offer of a fabulous new (busted) doomsday device. He let his eyelights darken, and his demeanor change, grin locked into place as he whispered:

“no.”

The ar went still. Cold. Sans never knew a fear like the one that suddenly engulfed him, never felt a chill like the one that seemed to suddenly appear right inside of him. The temmie was not even an inch from his face. Still smiling, but not even speaking from its mouth. The voice seemed to come from inside of his own skull.

“You think you’re so clever, don’t you? But we know what and who you are, Sans Undertale, and we do not forget. You will regret this. You will look back on this one day as the moment that began your eternal torment. You shall never again know peace. Do you think this is funny, Mr. Undertale? Hardly.”

“um.”

His voice was shaking. He was shaking. His bones were rattling but he never felt so paralyzed, so still.

So trapped.

The temie was suddenly feet away again, smiling as if nothing was wrong.

“bOI!!!!!!!!!!!!”

* * *

Sans never ran before, but that day, Sans  _ran_.

* * *

Sans decided to get a job. Actually, he decided to get 5. Anything was better than ever returning to that place. He threw a sheet over the macine and locked it up, and declared, as Papyrus already had, that it never existed in the first place. Screw it. Screw the whole thing. He prefered having a job over this.

And worst of all, Papyrus was so smug about him finally joining the legitimate workforce like a normal grownup person.

He really did know no end to his torments.


End file.
